Hey there, 2020

It’s the first day of 2020, and I’ve been sitting in front of a blank page for the last fifteen minutes.

It’s not that I have nothing to say. In fact, I’m under an assault of thoughts these days, words and questions and worries and predictions all swirling around in constant chaos. No, it’s not a lack of things to say. I simply want to do it right.

The turning of the year is always an interesting time. A time to celebrate our successes, lament our failures, and start anew. We sit down, turn the lens on ourselves for a moment, decide how we need to change and who we’d like to become in the days to come. We reflect on the past – the good and the bad – and we commit to leaving it behind. For the moment, at least, we tell ourselves that we will be better. Better to ourselves. Better to our children. Better to each other. Better in every sense of the word.

For the moment.

And then, life comes, as it does. The time flies by, sand in the wind, carried away before we can hold it in our grasp. It is fleeting, finite, and unrelenting. As the days, and hours, and minutes pass, our reflections, resolutions, and commitments fade into the background. We do our best to hold on, to retain our grip on the threads that hold our lives together. We tread water without even attempting to see if our feet touch the floor.

We get lost, we forget. We lose our focus. We label ourselves failures and swear to try again next year.

Friends, we must slow down. We must remember who we are on this day, when we decide what’s important, what’s right. When our vision of the future is clear in its direction and we’re committed to seeing it through.

We need to breathe. We need to take time to learn, to love, to live. Because, again, time is finite. Life is finite.

This year, I’m working on balance. In light of the enormous change that my family and I are going through right now – which I’ll tell you more about when I’m able – this will be more essential now than ever before.

I want to wake up and remember what’s important. What’s right. How I can be better. I want to remember the way I feel today and do this girl justice. Not just for the moment, but every day.

Slowing down is not my strong suit. If you know me, you know that. I am a great starter of things. It is the finishing that gives me trouble. For example, in 2019, I wrote over 50,000 words in two different books – stories I want to tell, stories I MUST tell, words that deserve to come to life on a page and in the minds of my readers. And yet, when life pulls me in a thousand directions, I allow it. I lose myself in a cloud of perceived obligations.

That has to change.

This year, let’s give ourselves grace. Let’s take time for each other. Let’s change, let’s move.

Together, let’s be better.